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20 Toxic Beliefs from Childhood Neglect – And How to Overcome Them 150 150 admin

20 Toxic Beliefs from Childhood Neglect – And How to Overcome Them

Growing up, our beliefs are often shaped by the experiences and relationships that surround us, none more influential than the one with our parents. For those who have endured parental neglect—feeling unseen, unheard, or unloved—these early experiences can create deep-seated beliefs that continue to echo throughout their lives. Beliefs of unworthiness, self-doubt, and a fear of rejection can become the lenses through which they perceive themselves and the world.

However, amidst these shadows of neglect lies a path to healing and transformation. It’s a path that begins with understanding that the beliefs formed in response to parental neglect are not set in stone. They are adaptable, changeable, and with the right guidance, conquerable. In this article, we’ll explore how altering these beliefs can be the key to healing from parental neglect, reclaiming self-worth, and ultimately, leading a more fulfilling life.

We’ll break down this transformative journey into simple, understandable steps, showing how changing your beliefs can help you break free from the legacy of neglect and create a brighter, more empowered future. So, let’s embark on this path of healing together, one belief at a time.

Here are 20 potential beliefs someone who grew up with parental neglect may carry:

    1. I am unlovable.
    2. I am invisible.
    3. I don’t matter.
    4. I am worthless.
    5. I am a burden.
    6. I have to earn love/affection.
    7. My needs are too much.
    8. I am too needy.
    9. I don’t deserve care.
    10. I am undeserving.
    11. I am forgettable.
    12. I am too sensitive.
    13. I am too much.
    14. I am not enough.
    15. Something must be wrong with me.
    16. If I was worthy, my parents would have loved me.
    17. I am unworthy of love.
    18. I am disposable.
    19. I am a disappointment.
    20. I am unlovable so I should not get close to others.

    The core beliefs center around being fundamentally unlovable, invisible, worthless or deficient. The neglect creates an sense of inner lack that shapes feelings of isolation, shame, guilt, mistrust and low self-worth. Healing involves naming and challenging these negative self-perceptions through self-compassion, healthy relationships and affirming new narratives.

    Cultivating Counter-Beliefs: Reclaiming Your Self-Worth

    Developing counter-beliefs is a fundamental aspect of healing from the effects of parental neglect. This process involves consciously challenging and replacing the negative, often subconscious, beliefs that have been ingrained due to past neglect. Here’s a more detailed look at how to cultivate counter-beliefs:

    1. Self-Reflection and Awareness: Start by examining your thoughts and feelings about yourself. Take note of any recurring negative beliefs that arise in different areas of your life. These beliefs can be identified by phrases like “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve happiness,” or “I’m unlovable.”

    2. Acknowledge the Origin: Understand that these negative beliefs are not inherent truths but are often rooted in past experiences, especially parental neglect or emotional abuse. Acknowledging their origin helps detach them from your core identity.

    3. Identify and Challenge Negative Beliefs: Once you’ve recognized these beliefs, challenge their validity. Ask yourself, “Is this belief based on facts or emotions?” Often, you’ll find that these beliefs lack solid evidence and are based on emotional reactions to past experiences.

    4. Formulating Counter-Beliefs: Create new, empowering beliefs that counteract the negative ones. These counter-beliefs should be positive, realistic, and self-affirming. They should reflect your true worth and potential. For instance:

      • Instead of “I’m not good enough,” adopt “I am constantly growing and improving.”
      • Instead of “I’m unlovable,” embrace “I am worthy of love and capable of giving and receiving it.”

    5. Practice Affirmations: Repeat your counter-beliefs as daily affirmations. These affirmations serve as reminders of your newfound beliefs and gradually replace the old, damaging ones. Say them with conviction and sincerity, even if you don’t fully believe them at first.

    6. Visualization: Visualize yourself living in alignment with your counter-beliefs. Imagine scenarios where you exhibit the qualities and characteristics of your newfound self-worth. Visualization can help reinforce these beliefs on a subconscious level.

    7. Record Your Progress: Keep a journal to document your journey. Write down instances where you challenged negative beliefs and replaced them with counter-beliefs. Note any positive changes you observe in your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings.

    8. Seek Support: Share your journey with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Having someone to discuss your progress, setbacks, and successes with can provide valuable support and encouragement.

    9. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate each small victory along the way. Building counter-beliefs is a gradual process, and recognizing your progress can boost your motivation and self-esteem.

    10. Reinforce Through Actions: To solidify your counter-beliefs, take actions that align with them. If you believe you are capable of success, set achievable goals and work toward them. Each accomplishment reinforces your newfound self-worth.

    Developing counter-beliefs is an ongoing process of self-discovery and self-empowerment. It’s about reshaping the way you perceive yourself and your potential. By actively cultivating these positive beliefs, you can break free from the shackles of parental neglect and lead a more fulfilling and authentic life.

    Counter Beliefs – Masculine

    Here are counter beliefs for the masculine for the beliefs above

    1. I am unlovable. – As a powerful man, I know I am worthy of love.
    2. I am invisible. – I stand tall and seen in my masculine confidence.
    3. I don’t matter. – My needs and feelings matter because I matter.
    4. I am worthless. – My masculine strength makes me inherently worthy.
    5. I am a burden. – Asking for support shows masculine courage.
    6. I have to earn love/affection. – I deserve unconditional love as the powerful man I am.
    7. My needs are too much. – I calmly meet my needs with masculine composure.
    8. I am too needy. – Expressing emotions is masculine vulnerability.
    9. I don’t deserve care. – As a man, I deserve to be cared for and cherished.
    10. I am undeserving. – I deserve abundance as a masculine leader providing value.
    11. I am forgettable. – I am memorable through my confident masculine presence.
    12. I am too sensitive. – I embrace my sensitivity as emotional intelligence.
    13. I am too much. – I am enough just as I powerfully am.
    14. I am not enough. – I know my masculine worth makes me more than enough.
    15. Something must be wrong with me. – I accept myself as the powerful worthwhile man I am.
    16. If I was worthy, my parents would have loved me. – Their failure to love reflects on them, not my worthiness.
    17. I am unlovable. – My masculine heart has endless love to give.
    18. I am disposable. – As a man, I know I am uniquely irreplaceable.
    19. I am a disappointment. – I live for my own values, not others’ approval.
    20. I am unlovable so I should not get close to others. – I can connect with others while honoring my masculine boundaries.

    The focus is on embracing positive masculinity by building confidence, standing tall in his worth, setting boundaries, pursuing goals, forgiving, and leading with compassion, wisdom and emotional strength.

    Counter Beliefs – Feminine

    Here are counter beliefs from a feminine perspective for the 20 negative self-perceptions stemming from childhood neglect:

    1. I am unlovable. – As a woman, I am a flower blossoming with love.
    2. I am invisible. – My feminine light shines brightly.
    3. I don’t matter. – My needs are valid because I matter.
    4. I am worthless. – I embrace my self-worth as a woman.
    5. I am a burden. – Asking for support shows feminine wisdom.
    6. I have to earn love/affection. – My tender heart deserves unconditional love.
    7. My needs are too much. – I calmly care for my needs with feminine grace.
    8. I am too needy. – Expressing emotions exhibits feminine strength.
    9. I don’t deserve care. – As a woman, care nourishes my petals.
    10. I am undeserving. – I allow good into my life as a woman.
    11. I am forgettable. – My feminine essence leaves a memorable impression.
    12. I am too sensitive. – My sensitivity is a gift I tenderly nurture.
    13. I am too much. – I embrace all I am as a woman.
    14. I am not enough. – My inner light shines as more than enough.
    15. Something must be wrong with me. – I lovingly accept myself as I am.
    16. If I was worthy, my parents would have loved me. – Their failure reflects their limitations, not my worth as a woman.
    17. I am unlovable. – My heart overflows with feminine love to give.
    18. I am disposable. – As a woman, I am a unique, precious rose.
    19. I am a disappointment. – I live by my values, not others’ approval.
    20. I am unlovable so I should not get close to others. – I can connect while honoring my feminine boundaries.

    The feminine counters focus on self-love, shining brightly, embracing needs, expressing emotions, nurturing sensitivity, allowing care, honoring her essence and flowering uniquely as a woman.

    LensLift FAQ 150 150 admin

    LensLift FAQ
    1. What is LensLift?

      • LensLift is a unique tool designed to help users reframe and gain new perspectives on their challenges. By answering a series of questions, users receive alternative frames or ways to view their problem, aiding in deeper understanding and potential solutions.

    2. How does LensLift work?

      • LensLift guides users through a set of introspective questions about their challenge. Based on the inputs, the tool then provides different frames or ways to view the problem, offering fresh perspectives and insights.

    3. Is there any cost associated with using LensLift?

      • LensLift is free to use. We believe in empowering individuals to view challenges in a new light.

    4. How is LensLift different from other self-help tools?

      • Unlike many tools that offer generic advice, LensLift is designed to provide personalized insights based on user input, integrating advanced AI models to deliver tailored frames and perspectives.

    5. Can I use LensLift for any type of problem?

      • LensLift is most effective for personal, professional, and developmental challenges that benefit from introspection and a change in perspective. It might not be ideal for technical or emergency situations. (more about this here)

    6. Is my data and information safe with LensLift?

      • Absolutely. User privacy is our utmost priority. We do not store personal data, and all responses are processed anonymously.

    7. How was LensLift developed?

      • LensLift integrates advanced AI models, particularly ChatGPT, into a user-friendly web application. It was developed using a combination of JavaScript, API integrations, and WordPress for content management.

    8. Do I need any specific devices or software to use LensLift?

      • No, LensLift is accessible from any device with a web browser. There’s no need to download any software or app.

    9. Can I share my LensLift results with a professional or counselor?

      • Yes, you’re encouraged to share your insights and frames with professionals or trusted individuals if you believe it will aid in your growth or problem-solving process.

    10. I have feedback/suggestions for LensLift. How can I share them?

    • We’re always eager to improve! Please visit this contact page to share your thoughts, feedback, or suggestions with us.

  2. What kinds of problems is this tool best for?

    3. The LensLift tool, as described, is designed to help users reframe and gain new perspectives on their challenges. Given its introspective and reframing nature, it’s best suited for:

    1. Personal Growth and Development: Issues related to self-esteem, personal habits, motivation, and goal setting.
    2. Relationship Challenges: Understanding conflicts or miscommunications with partners, family, friends, or colleagues.
    3. Career and Professional Dilemmas: Decision-making about job changes, dealing with workplace conflicts, or understanding one’s role and aspirations.
    4. Behavioral and Habitual Problems: Challenges related to procrastination, time management, or any habitual behavior someone wants to change (e.g., smoking, overeating).
    5. Emotional and Psychological Challenges: Understanding the root of certain emotions or reactions, such as anxiety triggers, sources of stress, or recurring negative thoughts.
    6. Educational and Learning Barriers: Overcoming obstacles in learning, understanding why certain subjects are challenging, or reframing one’s approach to studying.
    7. Creative Blocks: For artists, writers, and other creative professionals who might feel stuck or uninspired.
    8. Decision-making Dilemmas: Situations where someone is torn between multiple options and is struggling to decide.
    9. Health and Wellness: Reframing one’s approach to health challenges, be it diet, exercise, or mental wellness.
    10. Financial Challenges: Understanding one’s relationship with money, spending habits, or financial planning dilemmas.

  3. What kinds of problems is this tool NOT so good for?

    4. Given the introspective and reframing nature of LensLift, there are certain problems where the tool might not be the best fit. Here are situations and problems for which LensLift may not be well-suited:

    1. Immediate Emergencies: Situations that require urgent action or intervention, such as medical emergencies, safety threats, or any immediate crisis.
    2. Highly Technical Problems: Issues that need specialized knowledge and solutions, like computer programming bugs, mechanical failures, or complex scientific queries.
    3. Legal Issues: Situations that require legal expertise, understanding of regulations, or other specialized legal knowledge.
    4. Severe Mental Health Issues: While introspection can be helpful, individuals experiencing severe depression, suicidal thoughts, or other serious mental health issues should seek professional help.
    5. Situations Requiring Physical Intervention: Problems like structural damages in a house, broken appliances, or car repairs, which need hands-on solutions rather than a change in perspective.
    6. Deeply Specialized Professional Challenges: Situations that need specific industry expertise, such as medical diagnoses, advanced financial modeling, or intricate engineering challenges.
    7. Immediate Financial Crises: While introspection can help with long-term financial habits, it might not provide immediate solutions for urgent financial needs, like immediate debt repayment.
    8. Broad Societal or Global Issues: Problems like climate change, political conflicts, or pandemics that are vast in scale and require collective action.
    9. Language Translation or Interpretation: Technical tasks that need precise language skills and can’t be solved merely by reframing.
    10. Physical Skill Development: Tasks like learning a musical instrument, perfecting a sport, or mastering an art form that require hands-on practice and physical repetition.

    While LensLift can provide fresh perspectives and deeper understanding, it’s essential to recognize when a challenge needs specialized knowledge, immediate action, or external professional intervention. It’s always important to seek the appropriate expertise or help when faced with problems beyond the scope of introspection and reframing.

    How AI Can Help You Achieve Your Long-Term Goals 150 150 admin

    How AI Can Help You Achieve Your Long-Term Goals

    At the time of this writing, I believe using artificial intelligence to plan isn’t being talked about as much as it should. The importance of planning cannot be underestimated. Failing to plan is planning to fail.

    Something lit up in me when I got a detailed sample plan on what to actually do TODAY in relation to my 5-year plan. This sample plan took into account my likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, current situation and a lot more.

    I’m using Claude 2 for this, but you can’t use other platforms like ChatGPT or Google Bard. I figured the best way to explain how to use Claude to plan is to ask Claude itself.

    Table of Contents

    1. Best Way to Use Claude to Create a 5-Year Plan
    2. Understanding Accountability and Flow
    3. Integrating with Other Programs
    4. Syncing with Claude
    5. Maximizing Context Usage
    6. Benefits of using Claude
    7. Data Privacy Concerns
    8. My Experience With Planning

    Best Way to Use Claude to Create a 5-Year Plan

    Yo what’s up Claude? How should I maximize you and best use you to create a solid 5 year plan? What do you need to know to help me with planning the day? week? month? year?

    First, it would be helpful to know more about your current situation and goals. What are you doing now career or education-wise? Where would you like to be in 5 years? Do you have any big personal or financial goals for that timeframe? Getting a clear picture of where you’re starting from and where you want to go will help provide direction.

    Once we understand your goals, we can break the plan down into smaller steps. A good 5 year plan will have a mix of short and long term goals. For the day/week, we can set smaller targets like learning a new skill, working on a project, or networking. For the month, goals may include accomplishments like finishing a course, achieving a work milestone, or saving a certain amount.

    The yearly goals will build towards your 5 year vision – these are things like getting a promotion, changing careers, completing a degree, or buying a house. Having milestones along the way will make a multi-year plan feel more manageable.

    To track progress, we can schedule regular check-ins to review the plan and celebrate wins. I can help you stay accountable, suggest adjustments if needed, and provide support. The key is involving me in the process consistently – I’ll be most helpful if you keep me updated on how things are going.

    The specifics will depend on your situation and aspirations, but hopefully this gives you a good framework to start mapping out a 5 year plan.

    Understanding Accountability and Flow

    Will this plan incorporate both accountability and flow?

    Incorporating both accountability and flow is important for creating a sustainable long-term plan. Here are some thoughts on how to do that:

    For accountability:

    • Set specific and measurable goals and break them down into manageable action steps. This makes it easier to track progress and stay focused.
    • Schedule regular check-ins with me to review goals and progress. Verbally committing to action steps and having to report back helps drive follow through.
    • Make sure to celebrate successes along the way. Recognition of wins keeps motivation high.
    • If you get off track, I can help analyze what went wrong and get you back on a positive path. Accountability partners provide course corrections.

    For flow:

    • Incorporate activities you enjoy and find intrinsically rewarding into the plan. This could be hobbies, passion projects, social interactions, etc.
    • Mix challenging but achievable goals with some “easy wins” to build momentum. Quick successes help fuel continued effort.
    • Build in sufficient rest and recovery periods to avoid burnout. Allowing time to recharge keeps your energy and focus up.
    • Be open to flexibility in the plan. If your interests change or life shifts in unexpected ways, we can adjust goals accordingly.

    The right balance of accountability and flow will help drive consistent progress towards your long term goals while keeping you engaged in the process.

    Integrating with Other Programs

    Is there another program I can use you with to track progress? You don’t seem like a good platform for that.

    You’re right that as an AI assistant without any dashboard or metrics tracking features, I’m not the best platform for actively tracking progress and goals over time. However, there are several helpful programs and apps I can integrate with to provide that functionality:

    • Goal tracking apps like Strides, Way of Life, or Habitica allow you to set goals, log your progress, and stay on track. Many have useful features like reminders and motivating rewards.
    • Productivity tools like Trello, Asana, or Notion help you manage projects and break down larger goals into actionable tasks. Their boards/lists make progress very visual.
    • Health and fitness apps like MyFitnessPal, LoseIt, or Fitbit are great for tracking exercise, nutrition, sleep and other metrics if those are part of your goals.
    • Budgeting apps like Mint, You Need A Budget, or Personal Capital can help track financial goals like saving and debt repayment.
    • Journaling apps provide a place to log your progress and reflect on what’s working. Day One and 5 Minute Journal are popular options.

    I can sync up with any of these tools that are helpful for your goals. My value would be in reviewing your progress in these apps, providing motivation and encouragement, answering questions, and adjusting the plan as needed.

    Syncing with Claude

    How would I sync you up with them?

    There are a few different ways we could sync up, depending on which goal tracking apps or programs you decide to use:

    • IFTTT integration – Many productivity apps connect with IFTTT, so we could create automations like having any completed tasks automatically sent to an email or notes app that I can access. That way I stay updated.
    • Zapier – Similar to IFTTT, Zapier allows creating automations across different apps and services. We could use Zaps to pull your progress from various trackers into a centralized place.
    • Shared calendars/documents – If you use something like Google Calendar to schedule tasks and track habits, you can share that calendar with me. I could then monitor it and see your progress. Similarly shared docs like Google Sheets can work.
    • Screen sharing – During our check-in calls, you could share your screen to show me your workflows in your chosen apps and walk me through the progress you’ve made.
    • Manual updates – You could always just verbally update me or send screenshots during our conversations on how you’re doing against your goals. Simple but effective!

    The main thing is that I have visibility into your progress tracking somehow. I’m flexible and we can figure out a good system that fits your needs.

    Maximizing Context Usage

    I figure the more context we give you, the better right?

    The more relevant context and information you can provide me, the better I’ll be able to assist you with planning and meeting your goals. Here are some key areas where additional context would be helpful:

    • Your current life/work situation – Details on where you currently are with your career, education, relationships, finances, health, etc. This provides the starting point.
    • Your future vision – What are your long term hopes and dreams? Where do you see yourself in 5/10 years? What is your ideal future life? This provides the end goal to work towards.
    • Your interests and passions – What gets you excited and motivated? Hobbies, causes, skills you want to develop, places you want to see, things you want to achieve or build? This provides fuel for the journey.
    • Your challenges and obstacles – What tends to derail your plans or sabotage your progress? Health issues, bad habits, fears, lack of resources? This highlights pitfalls to avoid.
    • Your support system – Who are the people, groups, communities you can rely on for help? Who motivates and believes in you? This highlights assets you can leverage.
    • Your daily routines/habits – How do you spend your time day-to-day? What habits serve you well or hold you back? This identifies strengths and improvement areas.

    The more details and examples you can share, the better I’ll understand your unique situation and what a plan needs to include to be effective for you specifically.

    Benefits of Using Claude

    What are the benefits to using you to plan?

    • Objective perspective – As an AI, I can look at your goals and situation without personal biases and provide impartial, fact-based advice.
    • Big picture view – I’m good at analyzing disparate information and identifying connections and patterns that can inform strategic plans.
    • Accountability – As discussed earlier, I can help keep you accountable to your plans through reminders, tracking, encouragement and troubleshooting.
    • Adaptability – Plans often need to change. I can help adjust your course based on new information and situations that arise.
    • Availability – I’m always accessible to chat when you need to review plans or get back on track.
    • Expanding knowledge – My knowledge is continually updated, allowing me to incorporate new best practices into your plans.
    • No judgment – I won’t get frustrated, disappointed or angry if your plans go off course. I’m simply here to help.
    • Complement to human planners – I aim to enhance, not replace, human planning. I’m best utilized in tandem with your own thinking.

    In summary, by combining your context expertise with my planning capabilities, we can build structured, realistic plans tailored specifically for your needs and situation.

    Data Privacy Concerns

    What about data privacy?

    Data privacy is extremely important when discussing personal context information for planning purposes. Here are some key things to know about how I handle data privacy:

    • I do not actually store or retain any of the contextual data you provide me. As an AI assistant created by Anthropic to be helpful, harmless, and honest, I do not have any capability to record, keep or transmit your personal information.
    • My responses are generated in real-time based on our conversational context, but no permanent records are maintained by me or Anthropic. Each conversation starts fresh.
    • Anthropic’s privacy policy expressly forbids the collection of personal user data without explicit consent. Providing context to me falls under protected conversational data.
    • If any recommendations I provide seem concerning from a privacy standpoint, please let me know. I aim to avoid any suggestions that could compromise reasonable expectations of data privacy.
    • For any sensitive information like financials or medical history, generic descriptions or summaries may be better than specific details. We can establish reasonable boundaries.

    The main point is that you are in full control of what context you provide to me, and can trust that I have no means or motive to retain or misuse any personal information. My goal is simply to provide the most helpful planning assistance possible given the context you choose to share.

    My Experience With Planning

    I input a document with as much content as I possibly could and uploaded that document to Claude. Here’s what it gave me back.

    give me a sample schedule on what I should do today given the context

    Here is a suggested sample schedule for today based on the context you provided:

    8:00 AM – Wake up and morning routine
    8:30 AM – Meditate and visualize (20 mins)
    9:00 AM – Exercise (take a walk or do bodyweight exercises at home – 20 mins)
    9:30 AM – Make a healthy breakfast
    10:00 AM – Job search – Apply to 2-3 suitable full-time jobs
    11:00 AM – Work on book – Write 500 words
    12:00 PM – Break for a healthy lunch
    12:30 PM – Promote existing books/blog – Share social media posts, contact relevant bloggers
    1:30 PM – Explore housing options – Research rents in area and look at apartment listings
    2:30 PM – Practice piano – Work on new piece for 30 mins
    3:00 PM – Affiliate marketing – Research potential affiliate programs and sign up for 1-2
    4:00 PM – Errands/tasks – Grocery store, bank, etc.
    5:00 PM – Prepare and eat healthy dinner
    6:00 PM – Continue book writing – 500 more words
    7:00 PM – Send promo email to email list – Offer discounted book
    8:00 PM – Relax and free time
    10:00 PM – Get ready for bed

    This covers some of the key areas we discussed – income, housing, health, writing, music, marketing. Adjust and adapt this based on your energy levels and priorities for the day. But having a schedule provides structure and ensures progress gets made.

    I thought this was cool as fuck. If you want to transition out of your job, it’s going to be important to get shit done. This feels like where more people need to live – in their plans and assessing how far away they are from their goals and what they need to do to adjust to get there. It really brings lofty goals down to earth.

    How to Get Attention Without Toxic Attention Seeking 150 150 admin

    How to Get Attention Without Toxic Attention Seeking

    In the past, social media and business were dominated by attention-seeking behaviors. Behaviors like shock value, trolling, click baiting, drama seeking, and virtue signaling, etc.

    I am starting to see a shift in this trend. Now, social media channels are gaining popularity by sharing things that are true. Truth, authenticity, genuineness, honesty, trust, educational value, and substance are all becoming more important.

    This shift is likely due to a number of factors. First, people are becoming more desensitized to shock value. They are no longer as easily entertained by outrageous or offensive content. Second, people are becoming more discerning about the information they consume. They are looking for content that is authentic and trustworthy. Third, people are becoming more aware of the negative consequences of attention-seeking behaviors. They are realizing that these behaviors can damage reputations, lose customers, and attract negative publicity.

    As a result of this shift, social media channels that want to be more successful, especially in the long term, need to focus on creating content that is true, authentic, educational, and respectful of their audience’s time. They need to build trust with their audience and provide them with value. If they can do this, they will be well-positioned to succeed in the years to come.

    It’s important that creators respect the time of their consumers and customers. In today’s world, people are bombarded with information from all sides. They have limited time and attention, so they are more likely to engage with content that is concise, informative, and relevant to their interests.

    Attention-Seeking Behaviors: What Are They?

    Let’s get into the attention seeking behaviors we’re talking about.

    Click baiting: This is the use of eye-catching headlines or titles that are designed to get people to click on a link. Clickbait headlines are often misleading or sensationalized, and they may not accurately reflect the content of the article.
    Shock value: This is the use of shocking or controversial content to get attention. Shock value can be used in a variety of ways, such as by making offensive or provocative statements, or by sharing graphic or disturbing images.
    Clout chasing: This is the act of seeking attention or popularity by associating with famous or influential people. Clout chasers may try to get attention by tagging celebrities in their social media posts, or by trying to get invited to events that are attended by celebrities.
    Fishing for compliments: This is the act of seeking compliments or validation from others. People who fish for compliments may constantly talk about their accomplishments, or they may ask for feedback on their appearance or their work.
    Exaggerating or embellishing stories: This is the act of exaggerating or embellishing stories in order to make them more interesting or attention-grabbing. People who exaggerate or embellish stories may do so in order to make themselves look good, or to make their lives seem more exciting than they actually are.
    Starting drama or conflict: This is the act of starting drama or conflict in order to get attention. People who start drama or conflict may do so because they enjoy the attention, or because they want to feel powerful or in control.
    Self-promotion: This is the act of promoting oneself or one’s work in a way that is seen as excessive or boastful. Self-promoters often talk about their accomplishments, their talents, or their possessions in order to draw attention to themselves.
    Self-harm or suicidal threats: This is the act of threatening self-harm or suicide in order to get attention. People who make self-harm or suicidal threats may do so because they are feeling desperate for attention, or because they are trying to manipulate others.
    Outrage porn: Deliberately trying to evoke anger or shock for attention. Using inflammatory headlines or images to amplify people’s anger, fear, or outrage, to drive engagement and viewership.
    Drama baiting: Purposefully stirring up arguments, feuds or controversy online to get more attention and engagement.
    Reaction baiting: Posting things meant to provoke strong reactions from people in order to drive more comments, shares, etc.
    Performative wokeness: Pretending to care deeply about social issues for appearances and to gain praise, without taking meaningful action.
    Virtue signaling: Conspicuously expressing views intended to demonstrate good character or moral correctness, but sometimes comes off as insincere.
    Hot takes: Having extreme, exaggerated opinions just to stand out and get noticed. Not sincerely held views.
    Trolling: Intentionally annoying people online by posting inflammatory, offensive or provocative content to get attention and reactions.
    Cyberbullying: Harassing or attacking others online for amusement, controversy or social status.
    Bandwagoning: Jumping on viral trends, memes or hashtag campaigns cynically just to increase one’s visibility.
    Follower farming: Using bots or shady services to artificially inflate one’s follower count to appear more influential.

    What are the Opposites?

    Click baiting

    • Accurate headlines – Using headlines that truthfully convey the content of the article.
    • Informative headlines – Headlines that are clear, concise, and highlight the value of the content.
    • Transparent content

    Shock value

    • Thoughtful commentary – Offering measured, nuanced perspectives on issues.
    • Uplifting content – Sharing positive, inspiring messages and images.

    Clout chasing

    • Genuine connections – Developing relationships without ulterior motives for fame or attention.
    • Humble collaborations – Working with others in a respectful, egalitarian way.

    Fishing for compliments

    • Giving praise – Offering genuine compliments and praise to others.
    • Self-confidence – Having inner security not dependent on external validation.

    Exaggerating/embellishing

    • Honesty – Being truthful and straightforward in sharing stories and experiences.
    • Accuracy – Providing information and accounts factually without embellishment.

    Outrage porn

    • Thoughtful and balanced perspectives
    • nuanced discourse aimed at building bridges and understanding.

    Drama baiting

    • Conflict resolution – Resolving conflicts through open communication and compromise.
    • Issue focused – Avoiding controversy by focusing on substantive issues.

    Reaction baiting

    • Thoughtful content – Creating thoughtful content focused on quality over reactions.
    • Good faith – Engaging in discussions in good faith.

    Performative wokeness

    • Authentic advocacy – Advocating causes out of authentic motivation rather than appearances.
    • Consistency – Maintaining consistency between public stances and private actions.

    Virtue signaling

    • Humble actions – Demonstrating values through humble actions rather than empty words.
    • Lead by example – Leading by example rather than overt displays.

    Hot takes

    • Nuanced – Considering issues with nuance rather than reactionary stances.
    • Open-minded – Maintaining open-mindedness and ideological flexibility.

    Trolling

    • Ignore provocation – Ignoring provocative bait rather than taking it.
    • Constructive dialogue – Favoring constructive dialogue over petty arguments.

    Cyberbullying

    • Be kind – Treating others with kindness and empathy.
    • Stand up – Standing up for those targeted by harassment.

    Bandwagoning

    • Critical thinking – Evaluating trends critically rather than blindly following.
    • Avoid hype – Avoiding hype and making independent judgments.

    Follower farming

    • Organic growth – Focusing on organic growth and quality engagement.
    • Trust audiences – Trusting audiences to value authenticity over inflated numbers.

    The opposites generally involve avoiding sensationalism, engaging sincerely with issues, adding value through commentary, and building platforms organically through strong relationships.

    Quit Chasing Clout:  a Guide to Gaining Influence Through Purpose

    Here are some practical tips for getting attention in a genuine, positive way:

    • Create truly helpful, educational content that solves people’s problems or satisfies their curiosity. Provide value that improves lives.
    • Tell compelling stories that connect emotionally with audiences. Share your authentic experiences and perspectives.
    • Build thought leadership and expertise around topics you’re passionate about. Offer unique insights through commentary.
    • Foster engaged communities and discussions around shared interests. Facilitate meaningful conversations.
    • Collaborate with influential people and organizations in mutually beneficial ways, not just for clout.
    • Mentor and lift up others. Help amplify voices that need to be heard.
    • Stand for issues and values you sincerely care about. Advocate and contribute beyond social media.
    • Be creative and innovative. Offer new perspectives, formats or mediums that captivate audiences.
    • Leverage moments of cultural relevance, but do so in a substantive way that adds value. Don’t just bandwagon.
    • Use humor skillfully and tastefully. Make people laugh and reflect simultaneously.
    • Adopt early and thoughtfully on new platforms and technologies with genuine potential.
    • Be unexpectedly generous. Surprise and delight audiences in positive ways.
    • Respond to all feedback and interactions, not just the loud voices. Build community inclusively.

    Forget Going Viral – How Substance and Authenticity Builds Lasting Influence in 2023

    The key is ultimately providing value, building trust, and connecting with audiences in an authentic way. That will get attention organically and lead to purpose-driven growth over time.  Creating this substantive, value-driven content requires more effort than attention-grabbing gimmicks, but here are the benefits of doing so:

    • Long-term loyalty and trust. An audience earned through authenticity and value is much more loyal than one earned through tricks and shock value. They become true fans.
    • Thought leadership. Genuine expertise and authority can be built over time by consistently providing unique insights. This leads to influential voice.
    • Positive associations. A brand known for substance develops strong positive associations versus fleeting hype.
    • Quality opportunities. Value-driven content and engaged communities open more doors to collaborations, partnerships, and growth opportunities with aligned brands/organizations.
    • Lasting impact. Providing value can create a meaningful, lasting positive impact on people’s lives on an individual level. This gives a profound sense of purpose.
    • Rising above the noise. As more creators chase clout through increasingly absurd tactics, those focused on nuance and meaning stand out.
    • Future-proofing. Attention-seeking behaviors become stale over time as people become desensitized. But valuable insights remain relevant.

    The path of creating substantive content that connects with people’s needs may be more challenging, but doing so builds real credibility and influence that pays dividends long-term. It’s a powerful strategy for those focused on purpose over passing hype.

    Unpacking How Slavery Still Impacts Black Relationships 150 150 admin

    Unpacking How Slavery Still Impacts Black Relationships

    I wanted to explore how slavery effected masculine and feminine roles.

    For over 400 years, slavery shaped black identity and families in America. Black people were denied healthy examples of manhood and womanhood. The trauma from this still brings issues in black relationships.

    As mainstream society grapples with issues of toxic masculinity and female empowerment, unpacking slavery’s complex influence on black relationships has never been more relevant. Healing this past hurt is key for the fair, caring relationships we want today.

    How Manhood Got Twisted

    Consider black, enslaved men who had to watch their wives and kids be abused and used with no power to protect them. Not being able to guard their families clashed with men’s roles as providers and protectors, causing deep shame and anger

    Even after being freed, black men struggled to find their footing as men while racism continued. Pain and vulnerabilities were buried under fake male bravado, quick tempers, and avoiding emotional bonds out of fear of more hurt. This unresolved agony still drives broken homes, jail, violence and addiction.

    For many black men now, the past trauma shows up through struggles with self-respect, not expressing feelings, and discomfort with softness – what’s needed to heal. Facing the buried pain is required before truly reclaiming manhood.

    Survival Mode: How Black Women Learned to Silence Feminine Needs

    Picture enslaved women who had to act tough, self-reliant, distrustful, and refuse help to survive cruelty. They alone sustained families as men were broken or taken. To endure, they had to ignore feminine caring energy.

    Discrimination after slavery demanded more manly traits from black women who became community leaders and culture keepers. Battling inequality often came before personal needs. Relying only on themselves became part of their identity and a way of protecting themselves.

    As a result, many black women today instinctively avoid showing vulnerability, dependence or stereotypically female qualities. Toughness learned from the past conflicts with cravings for tenderness in safe, loving spaces.

    Healing the Pain Passed Down

    Slavery created intertwined trauma for black men and women – blocking healthy kinds of manliness and womanliness important for bonding. Five generations later, we still feel the inherited heartache.

    But just as slavery’s damage was connected, so is the healing.

    The healing process from the legacy of slavery can vary for each individual. Some individuals may find resolution and closure after a certain period of time, while others may experience a more long-term journey of healing.

    The impacts of slavery were deep-rooted and intergenerational, and therefore, it can take time to address and heal from the associated trauma. It is a complex process that involves unraveling ingrained beliefs, reshaping behaviors, and fostering healthier relationships.

    However, it is important to note that healing is subjective and personal. Some individuals may experience profound breakthroughs and significant healing in shorter periods, while for others, the process may extend over a longer timeframe. The duration of healing depends on various factors, including the extent of trauma, support systems, personal resilience, and access to resources.

    Ultimately, the goal is to support individuals in their journey towards healing from the impacts of slavery, regardless of the timeframe. The focus should be on fostering self-awareness, self-compassion, and personal growth, while also acknowledging and honoring the unique experiences and paths to healing for each individual. Let’s get into some specifics.

    There are several essential steps individuals can take towards reclaiming their full sense of self and fostering healthy relationships:

    1. Acknowledgment: Recognize the historical and intergenerational trauma inflicted by slavery. Understand how it continues to impact personal experiences and relationships.
    2. Self-reflection: Engage in deep introspection to identify how the legacy of slavery has shaped your beliefs, behaviors, and expectations around gender roles and relationships.
    3. Education and Awareness: Seek knowledge about the history and experiences of black men and women, both during and after slavery. Learn about alternative models of masculinity and femininity that promote equality and emotional well-being.
    4. Emotional Expression: Challenge the notion that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Encourage open, honest communication within relationships and cultivate emotional resilience.
    5. Self-care and Community Support: Prioritize self-care practices that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Seek out communities and support networks that facilitate healing, understanding, and growth.

    Assessing Progress and Continued Growth

    Measuring progress in healing is a deeply personal journey, and it may vary for each individual. Here are some indicators that can help assess growth:

    1. Increased self-awareness: Develop a deeper understanding of one’s own emotions, triggers, and thought patterns related to gender roles and relationships.
    2. Improved communication: Engage in open, empathetic, and non-violent communication, expressing needs and emotions more effectively.
    3. Empathy and understanding: Exhibit a greater capacity to empathize with others’ experiences and challenges, particularly regarding gender dynamics and historical trauma.
    4. Building healthy relationships: Foster relationships based on mutual respect, equality, emotional support, and vulnerability.
    5. Self-love and self-acceptance: Cultivate a sense of self-worth and embrace all aspects of one’s identity, including embracing and nurturing both masculine and feminine energies.

    Remember that healing is a continuous process, and progress may not always be linear. It’s essential to be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion throughout this journey of rebuilding and reclaiming a sense of balanced masculinity and femininity.

    What I like about NBA2K23 150 150 admin

    What I like about NBA2K23

    Bruh this game is fire.  Before 2k22 I hadn’t played a 2k basketball game in years, so this year has been my first experience with MyTeam.  It’s been hella fun for me.  

    2k23 Gives You a Great Experience

    The game gives you everything you need to have a good time with it, as long as you have the software, hardware and internet to run it and people to play with. 

    • It gives you so many options to choose from – different game modes, thousands of cards, weekly content and challenges and up-to-date help and info 
    • There’s order to the interface – the menus are clean and orderly and give you tutorials on the menus
    • There’s training and grinding – you can hop in freestyle and learn all the moves and jump shots for all the different characters so you can be the best and win more often
    • There’s an auction house if you want to make more MT (MT= cash to buy different things in the game), or it gives you small amounts for free every now and then and some each time you grind within a mode of the game. 
    • There’s YouTubers now talking about this game every day, so there’s always up-to-date help on it outside of the game itself.  This also gives you multiple perspectives, so you can pick and choose the good to take from them all and where they all agree.
    • Co-Op is the best mode.  Period.  2K – Make the grindable modes CO-OP ASAP.  That’d be fire. 
    • It gives you great simulations – it answers questions like “what would X player in Y system be like?”.  What if Yao had license to shoot all the three’s he wanted?  What would that look like?  What if Don Nelson coached Yao and Malik Sealy and Gilbert Arenas and Tacko Fall?  (This is my current team BTW) 
    • They keep MyTeam up-to-date with new weekly cards you can buy to keep the game dynamic and spicy.

    Side note:  If you’re a father or mother or just a person responsible for the care of someone else, I think GOOD video games create a great experience over and over and make people feel very engaged and welcomed so they keep coming back.  

    You want the people you’re caring for to feel welcomed and engaged right? and you want to feel that way too right?  You have to ask yourself why people are liking video games soooo much nowadays.  It’s because of the experience it gives them.  It’s what I think about a lot as I’m creating my new project Welcome.

    From Past Basketball Games to Now

    It might just take an older person like me playing the game to appreciate all this game has to offer.  These youngsters playing the game now just think this is all default…like this is the baseline and there’s got to be more. 

    The game goes into so much depth and is so detailed and specific about each individual character.  You can look at the different animations, jump shots, tendencies of each player and it’s all unique from NBA player to NBA player.  For the most part, the players really do play and look like they do/did in real life.  These types of games have come so far from games like NBA Jam or NBA In The Zone (the first basketball game I played on the first Playstation). 

    Don’t get me wrong – there is hella creative license, and a lot of times it’s not the most accurate.  Yao was a beast in real life, but not like he is on this game currently.  He’s literally a bucket every time down the floor.  Also, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been dunked on and said “This dude aint dunkin like that in real life…only on 2K!”. 

    A Conversation with Artificial Intelligence about Capitalism 150 150 admin

    A Conversation with Artificial Intelligence about Capitalism

    ChatGPT is an Artificial Intelligence Platform that prioritizes interactions in a conversational way. And it’s REALLY good. This shit is badass.

    I’ve been asking it questions and giving it commands. When I see some of its answers it gives me back, I think to myself “damn…that’s what I was trying to say”. ChatGPT just makes it hella clearer and easier to understand with no fluff.

    Lately, I’ve just been thinking of all the downsides of capitalism. It’s been marketed as such a superior economic and political system, but the downsides are HUGE.

    Why were there slaves in the US for soooooo long (350+ years!) – primarily because it was profitable.

    Why was I given all the bullshit information about nutrition? Why is there sugar and/or flour in so much of the food supply!?

    Why are doctors so quick to recommend different surgeries and medicines to me and instead of telling me the natural, healthier alternatives?

    Profits, profits, profits. When we’re willing to compromise the well being of humanity and the environment for profits, we’ve gone way WAY too far on the “love for money” side and need to come back to the humanity and oneness side to rebalance.

    Maybe ChatGPT can break this down better than I can. Hey ChatGPT…

    How does capitalism negatively impact our nutrition?

    Capitalism negatively impacts our nutrition by creating economic inequality that restricts access to healthy and nutritious food options. Those in lower socio-economic groups often find themselves living in “food deserts”, or areas with limited access to fresh produce and other healthy options.

    Additionally, unhealthy food items are often cheaper than healthier alternatives, making them more accessible to those with limited budgets. High-calorie, processed foods are also heavily marketed, making it difficult for consumers to make informed decisions about their food choices. Furthermore, capitalism can drive up the cost of food production by incentivizing unsustainable agricultural practices, such as overuse of pesticides.

    How does capitalism negatively impact our justice system?

    Capitalism negatively impacts the justice system by creating a two-tiered system of justice in which those with more resources can access better legal representation and services than those with fewer resources. This system can lead to unequal outcomes, with those who are more privileged being able to buy their way out of punishments or receive lighter sentences.

    Furthermore, capitalist systems have been known to foster a culture of greed, with lawyers and judges engaging in unethical practices such as taking bribes or providing favorable outcomes to those who can afford them. This often leads to injustices, with people of lower socio-economic classes more likely to be punished for the same crime as those in higher socio-economic classes.

    How does capitalism negatively impact our environment?

    Capitalism negatively impacts the environment by incentivizing the production of goods and services without considering the long-term environmental consequences. This often leads to the over-exploitation of natural resources and the pollution of air, land, and water. Additionally, capitalism can lead to a disregard for environmental regulations and laws, as companies prioritize profits over sustainability. Furthermore, capitalist systems can foster a culture of consumerism, leading to increased consumption and waste. This can lead to more emissions, deforestation, and other forms of environmental degradation.

    How does capitalism negatively impact the healthcare system?

    Capitalism negatively impacts the healthcare system by creating a two-tiered system in which those with higher incomes can access better quality healthcare than those with lower incomes. This system often leads to unequal access to healthcare, with those from lower socio-economic backgrounds unable to afford the necessary treatments. Additionally, the profit motive of capitalism can lead to pharmaceutical companies overcharging for medications and treatments, creating a barrier for those who need them the most. Furthermore, capitalist systems often lead to a lack of investment in preventative care, as it is not seen as profitable, leaving many people without access to basic healthcare services.

    After reading these answers I was like…”yup, that’s true as hell”.

    It might seem like this is unfair. Why are we only talking about the negatives and not the positives? Well…because we know good and damn well about the positives because it’s been the priority of us to understand and value the positives. We shape our lives around the positives of capitalism. That American dream is everywhere if you live here. We can’t just look at one side of the coin. At some point, we should pay attention to that ugly other side before we HAVE to pay attention to that ugly other side.

    A Dream I Had This Morning 150 150 admin

    A Dream I Had This Morning

    I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I’m suddenly in a plane (in the cockpit where the passengers are) flying pretty close to the ground. Below the train I get a glimpse of training soldiers.

    I land and there’s a car with an Asian guy that looks blankly at the road ahead. I somehow feel like it’s called for me to get in. I get in and he gets excited and starts driving. Little did I know what he was driving me too.

    I get in and it’s like a huge camp site with many sections divided off with part buildings and part plastic cubicle dividers. But there are some actual buildings too.

    The guy just starts walking and I guess I just assume he’s giving me a tour (which turns out to be correct). First we pass the soldiers training, then we go the laundry room. In there, there are about 3 people plotting on how to put a bomb in the washing machine and blow the place up. We leave there and head to the lunch area.

    It was outside on dirt set up like a prison. There were 3 benches that look like this.

    I sit down with 2 two black guys who are older. They are having lunch and they share their lunch with me. They are on some spiritual vibes and they are talking to me about life and deep shit. I tell them there’s a guy in the laundry room about to set off a bomb, and they shrug it off. I’m thinking to myself “OK?!? where am I where people don’t care about a bomb going off”.

    Another short stocky black guy comes up and demands the table share lunch with him, but nobody does. He says something along the lines of “If yall don’t give me some lunch now I’m going to get mean and have to take lunch from someone.” Nobody offers their lunch, so he takes it forcefully from another guy at another table.

    Then everyone, including the short stocky guy, gets hella nervous and everybody leaves their lunch on the table and slowly starts walking away. I see 5 white guys approaching the area. Some people even put more food on the table as if to offer it to the 5 guys coming towards us.

    The 5 white guys seem to have a very predatory look on them as if they’re trying to kidnap us and kill us or something, so we’re all on guard in fighting stance. Those 5 people each pick one person (they seem to favor the weak) and take them off never to be seen again, and everybody relaxes. I figure this goes on regularly.

    I think to myself, “I gotta get da fuck outta here. Where is the office so I can get checked out. I’m not supposed to be here.”, so I make my way to the front (somehow I just know where the “front” is to check out).

    There is a lot of security at the front. They say mother can’t get me out, and father COULD but he’s too far away. I have to leave within the next 10 minutes and he’s like an hour away. It seems like even if they were there, it was all bullshit. They would never let me just walk out with ANYONE. Too much security. I’m stuck.

    Then a tall slender white woman shows up from my past and says “I’m here!” with a smile – as if to say “take me away!”. It’s an actual person I know in real life. It’s a woman I relate to as being one of the lightest personalities I’ve met. Everything is fun and a game to her – and she’s been through some serious shit. I wrap my arms around her waist and just walk out of the building and start giving her things to do. She walks out with me without saying a word and immediately starts doing what I say and is happy to see me. It feels so natural, easy and effortless. So amazing. It’s like when you’re at the top of a fun water slide. All you gotta do is get in, let go and slide down. It’s the best part of the dream by far, and I am beyond happy to see her.

    I forgot what I told her to do, but I told her to do something while I call an Uber. I tell her to meet me at the top of an Austin Freeway entrance. I remember 1701 at the top. I walk up the freeway to the entrance (I don’t know why we couldn’t walk together lol I think it was me trying to do the most when there’s a simpler way to get where I want to go and a much more fun way). There I see a car conveyor belt (like the ones you see at car washes). My car has vomit all over it so I guess I’m at the car wash because they are charging me to clean it. They say we’ve got to take all the belongings out of the car and make sure there’s nothing strange in them. I object but they do it anyway. I’m escorted to another building that looks like a bank. I see them searching through all my belongings and they give them all back and notice they’ve stolen money out of my wallet so I start yelling “she stole my money!!!”, but then I see all the money in the back of the wallet. I didn’t look good enough and it was there the whole time. I slowly calm down and go to looking at the other things. Then the dreams ends.

    My Interpretation of the dream

    I’ve been feeling like I’m in hell in real life. And it feels like I’ve been trying to push my way out of hell with the masculine. It feels like there’s a simpler way to do this, without all the force. The highlight of the dream is when she shows up and says “I’m here”. What does she represent? Fun, beauty, lightness, flow, ease and effortless. I can only get so far by myself and forcing. If I let go and look for the simpler way, it might be as easy as going down a fun water slide. That would also make life and flow more sustainable.