20 Toxic Beliefs from Childhood Neglect – And How to Overcome Them 150 150 admin

20 Toxic Beliefs from Childhood Neglect – And How to Overcome Them

Growing up, our beliefs are often shaped by the experiences and relationships that surround us, none more influential than the one with our parents. For those who have endured parental neglect—feeling unseen, unheard, or unloved—these early experiences can create deep-seated beliefs that continue to echo throughout their lives. Beliefs of unworthiness, self-doubt, and a fear of rejection can become the lenses through which they perceive themselves and the world.

However, amidst these shadows of neglect lies a path to healing and transformation. It’s a path that begins with understanding that the beliefs formed in response to parental neglect are not set in stone. They are adaptable, changeable, and with the right guidance, conquerable. In this article, we’ll explore how altering these beliefs can be the key to healing from parental neglect, reclaiming self-worth, and ultimately, leading a more fulfilling life.

We’ll break down this transformative journey into simple, understandable steps, showing how changing your beliefs can help you break free from the legacy of neglect and create a brighter, more empowered future. So, let’s embark on this path of healing together, one belief at a time.

Here are 20 potential beliefs someone who grew up with parental neglect may carry:

    1. I am unlovable.
    2. I am invisible.
    3. I don’t matter.
    4. I am worthless.
    5. I am a burden.
    6. I have to earn love/affection.
    7. My needs are too much.
    8. I am too needy.
    9. I don’t deserve care.
    10. I am undeserving.
    11. I am forgettable.
    12. I am too sensitive.
    13. I am too much.
    14. I am not enough.
    15. Something must be wrong with me.
    16. If I was worthy, my parents would have loved me.
    17. I am unworthy of love.
    18. I am disposable.
    19. I am a disappointment.
    20. I am unlovable so I should not get close to others.

    The core beliefs center around being fundamentally unlovable, invisible, worthless or deficient. The neglect creates an sense of inner lack that shapes feelings of isolation, shame, guilt, mistrust and low self-worth. Healing involves naming and challenging these negative self-perceptions through self-compassion, healthy relationships and affirming new narratives.

    Cultivating Counter-Beliefs: Reclaiming Your Self-Worth

    Developing counter-beliefs is a fundamental aspect of healing from the effects of parental neglect. This process involves consciously challenging and replacing the negative, often subconscious, beliefs that have been ingrained due to past neglect. Here’s a more detailed look at how to cultivate counter-beliefs:

    1. Self-Reflection and Awareness: Start by examining your thoughts and feelings about yourself. Take note of any recurring negative beliefs that arise in different areas of your life. These beliefs can be identified by phrases like “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve happiness,” or “I’m unlovable.”

    2. Acknowledge the Origin: Understand that these negative beliefs are not inherent truths but are often rooted in past experiences, especially parental neglect or emotional abuse. Acknowledging their origin helps detach them from your core identity.

    3. Identify and Challenge Negative Beliefs: Once you’ve recognized these beliefs, challenge their validity. Ask yourself, “Is this belief based on facts or emotions?” Often, you’ll find that these beliefs lack solid evidence and are based on emotional reactions to past experiences.

    4. Formulating Counter-Beliefs: Create new, empowering beliefs that counteract the negative ones. These counter-beliefs should be positive, realistic, and self-affirming. They should reflect your true worth and potential. For instance:

      • Instead of “I’m not good enough,” adopt “I am constantly growing and improving.”
      • Instead of “I’m unlovable,” embrace “I am worthy of love and capable of giving and receiving it.”
    5. Practice Affirmations: Repeat your counter-beliefs as daily affirmations. These affirmations serve as reminders of your newfound beliefs and gradually replace the old, damaging ones. Say them with conviction and sincerity, even if you don’t fully believe them at first.

    6. Visualization: Visualize yourself living in alignment with your counter-beliefs. Imagine scenarios where you exhibit the qualities and characteristics of your newfound self-worth. Visualization can help reinforce these beliefs on a subconscious level.

    7. Record Your Progress: Keep a journal to document your journey. Write down instances where you challenged negative beliefs and replaced them with counter-beliefs. Note any positive changes you observe in your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings.

    8. Seek Support: Share your journey with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Having someone to discuss your progress, setbacks, and successes with can provide valuable support and encouragement.

    9. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate each small victory along the way. Building counter-beliefs is a gradual process, and recognizing your progress can boost your motivation and self-esteem.

    10. Reinforce Through Actions: To solidify your counter-beliefs, take actions that align with them. If you believe you are capable of success, set achievable goals and work toward them. Each accomplishment reinforces your newfound self-worth.

    Developing counter-beliefs is an ongoing process of self-discovery and self-empowerment. It’s about reshaping the way you perceive yourself and your potential. By actively cultivating these positive beliefs, you can break free from the shackles of parental neglect and lead a more fulfilling and authentic life.

    Counter Beliefs – Masculine

    Here are counter beliefs for the masculine for the beliefs above

    1. I am unlovable. – As a powerful man, I know I am worthy of love.
    2. I am invisible. – I stand tall and seen in my masculine confidence.
    3. I don’t matter. – My needs and feelings matter because I matter.
    4. I am worthless. – My masculine strength makes me inherently worthy.
    5. I am a burden. – Asking for support shows masculine courage.
    6. I have to earn love/affection. – I deserve unconditional love as the powerful man I am.
    7. My needs are too much. – I calmly meet my needs with masculine composure.
    8. I am too needy. – Expressing emotions is masculine vulnerability.
    9. I don’t deserve care. – As a man, I deserve to be cared for and cherished.
    10. I am undeserving. – I deserve abundance as a masculine leader providing value.
    11. I am forgettable. – I am memorable through my confident masculine presence.
    12. I am too sensitive. – I embrace my sensitivity as emotional intelligence.
    13. I am too much. – I am enough just as I powerfully am.
    14. I am not enough. – I know my masculine worth makes me more than enough.
    15. Something must be wrong with me. – I accept myself as the powerful worthwhile man I am.
    16. If I was worthy, my parents would have loved me. – Their failure to love reflects on them, not my worthiness.
    17. I am unlovable. – My masculine heart has endless love to give.
    18. I am disposable. – As a man, I know I am uniquely irreplaceable.
    19. I am a disappointment. – I live for my own values, not others’ approval.
    20. I am unlovable so I should not get close to others. – I can connect with others while honoring my masculine boundaries.

    The focus is on embracing positive masculinity by building confidence, standing tall in his worth, setting boundaries, pursuing goals, forgiving, and leading with compassion, wisdom and emotional strength.

    Counter Beliefs – Feminine

    Here are counter beliefs from a feminine perspective for the 20 negative self-perceptions stemming from childhood neglect:

    1. I am unlovable. – As a woman, I am a flower blossoming with love.
    2. I am invisible. – My feminine light shines brightly.
    3. I don’t matter. – My needs are valid because I matter.
    4. I am worthless. – I embrace my self-worth as a woman.
    5. I am a burden. – Asking for support shows feminine wisdom.
    6. I have to earn love/affection. – My tender heart deserves unconditional love.
    7. My needs are too much. – I calmly care for my needs with feminine grace.
    8. I am too needy. – Expressing emotions exhibits feminine strength.
    9. I don’t deserve care. – As a woman, care nourishes my petals.
    10. I am undeserving. – I allow good into my life as a woman.
    11. I am forgettable. – My feminine essence leaves a memorable impression.
    12. I am too sensitive. – My sensitivity is a gift I tenderly nurture.
    13. I am too much. – I embrace all I am as a woman.
    14. I am not enough. – My inner light shines as more than enough.
    15. Something must be wrong with me. – I lovingly accept myself as I am.
    16. If I was worthy, my parents would have loved me. – Their failure reflects their limitations, not my worth as a woman.
    17. I am unlovable. – My heart overflows with feminine love to give.
    18. I am disposable. – As a woman, I am a unique, precious rose.
    19. I am a disappointment. – I live by my values, not others’ approval.
    20. I am unlovable so I should not get close to others. – I can connect while honoring my feminine boundaries.

    The feminine counters focus on self-love, shining brightly, embracing needs, expressing emotions, nurturing sensitivity, allowing care, honoring her essence and flowering uniquely as a woman.

    Starting Conversations for Introverts 150 150 admin

    Starting Conversations for Introverts

    So, when I (an introvert) was rooming with my friend (an extrovert), I was able to see things he did that I didn’t do. I had the luxury of learning a lot just by sitting back and watching what he would say and how he would say it and how others would respond.

    One huge thing I noticed was he always made the first move in everything…like he was thinking one step ahead all the time.  I, at the time, was always reactive.

    With people, this meant he would call past friends out of the blue to reconnect (He called me which is how we reconnected).  He would be the first to suggest something for the group to do.  He would initiate conversations with strangers.  When people can sense that you’re coming from a genuine place, they’re more apt to let their guard down.  And since most of his approaches were genuine, I saw the majority of these conversations flow smoothly.

    You can look at this from a “technique” point of view.  If you search you’ll probably find good “openers” or some introductory phrases to use.  What this will do is send you right back to your head when you’re actually starting conversations with people.  That’s the last place you want to come from.

    Remember I said I had the luxury of watching my friend do all these approaches?  From the outside looking in, it was like watching someone create their own world.  I started to realize it’s a creative thing.  You get to decide how you want to approach people.  There is no right or wrong way – just approach and be genuine.  More important than what you say is the energy behind it.  Also, more important than what you say, is the fact that you have the courage to say something at all.  To get better at starting conversations, start more conversations and be willing to fail.

    You can take this simple skill as far as you want to go.  Trust and believe it can take you far.  What if you learned different languages?  How many more conversations could you start?  How many more options do you have in a world of over 7 billion people if you get good at starting conversations?

    What If I’m Scared of Social Situations? 150 150 admin

    What If I’m Scared of Social Situations?

    If you’re scared of social situations – good.  Oh Hell Yeah!  That could be an invitation to a great place to grow.

    You grow by training.  Deliberately feel the fear and keep inviting different social situations to go through.  The fear is at its highest when you feel like you’re jumping into unknown social situations.  When you keep inviting that fear and facing it and welcoming it by going through it over and over, then you’ll get used to jumping in unknown social situations.  It will start to be fun.

    The fear is just going to get bigger in your mind if you run from it.  Being social is here to stay, and it’s safe to say that your social life is going to be a huge part of the quality of your life.  You’ll see this approach a lot in self development.  It’s a “feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway” style approach.

    Address the Fear

    Another side of the coin is to look to address the fear and not try to plow through it.  Give the fear a voice and address it.

    There was a period where I was doing cold-approach sales for DirectTV while in different retail stores like Best Buy and Sam’s Club.  There would roughly be about 10% of people interested in our DirectTV pitch, and everyone in that 10% would have some objection to actually pulling the trigger and buying.  It was our responsibility to handle their objections and make the sales process as easy and simple for them as possible – what we called objection handling.  If they told us they needed to check with their spouse first before buying, then we gave them a phone to call that spouse.  If the price of DirectTV was too high for them, we had deals we could offer to them.  If there was a question about DirectTV service we were expected to know EVERYTHING about it so we could explain it to them.

    There might just be a good reason you’re scared of a particular social situation.  During this Covid-19 era there have been plenty of legit fears related to social situations.  Many people have ignored that legit fear and attempted to plow through.  Some have avoided any consequences whatsoever.  Other’s weren’t so fortunate.  Those other’s may have gotten sick, died, and/or infected someone else.  We’ve seen the rise of live streaming and Zoom calls as a work around to address these fears and handle those objections as best we can.

    Questions to Ask

    When you’re jumping into an unknown social situation and feel the fear, ask yourself “Is this a legit fear”?  Do you predict that the outcome will go well?  Is there any way you can prepare to have the best possible outcome?  Is it just a mind-made fear?  Did you weigh the upsides with the downsides?

    Your ability to discern whether your fears of social situations are legit is a benefit from training.  The more you train, the more confidence you’ll gain in your ability to approach fears with intelligence.

    Why History Matters 150 150 admin

    Why History Matters

    I used to sit in classrooms bored to tears in history class.  Before three weeks ago, if I had to rank all the subjects by how much I was interested in them, I would have ranked history dead last.  I felt disconnected from it.  It was just a bunch of facts I had to memorize for tests – at least that’s what it was like in school.  Contrast this with the subject of math.  You can see math super early and see how it’s going to be useful for life.  I have to credit Genealogy for igniting my interest in history.  Genealogy connects the historical facts and events with you and I.

    I was on my local library’s website just clunking around and saw that they added hella online resources due to Covid-19.  One of those resources was  It was now online for free through my library.  I searched for my name on, and I was there.  I searched for other people’s names, and most were there too.

    Eventually, I stumble on my great great uncle’s death certificate. The moment I read it was from the Houston Negro Hospital, that’s when shit got real.  Segregation got real.  Seeing that sparked all types of questions.  What was the Houston Negro Hospital like?  What else could I find on here?  Can anyone confirm this?  Who, in my family, knows this and who doesn’t know this?  Who was his father?  How did he interact with his brother (my great great grandfather)?

    These questions eventually lead me to historical context questions.  What was it like during that time?  How did he end up in Texas?  Why did he move?  How did he move?

    After finding that certificate, I went on to find A LOT more information, all courtesy of

    Turns out there’s a running show that does this work with people called Finding Your Roots on PBS.  Who knew?!!!  I’ve seen several episodes, and I like the historical context they give when they dive deep into someone’s history.  I also like how they corroborate their record-based information with living people and DNA.

    Ultimately today, it all brings me to a bigger question – How is history showing up today?

    When you ask someone why they do the things they do,  they might tell you some version of “that’s how I was raised”.  Sometimes it’s a coping mechanism to deal with “how they were raised”.  I’ve lived life enough to see how cultures, attitudes, ways of thinking, behaviors, and traumas can get passed down from generation to generation.  What got passed down from history and again, how is it showing up today?

    NBA Players Protest 150 150 admin

    NBA Players Protest

    For about a month, I’ve been watching the NBA players play their games inside what’s called the bubble located in Orlando, Florida to deal with Coronavirus.  The NBA administers lots of testing and has strict guidelines on who can enter and exit this “bubble”.

    I was prepared to watch a couple of basketball games today on TNT, but those games have been postponed because the players have decided not to play today as a stand and protest to the shooting of Jacob Blake in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

    I am proud of these players, and I will be even more proud if they continue to take a stand by not playing.  There are bigger things than basketball, and I know that many players, like myself, are frustrated after seeing police use obvious extreme and excessive force over and over again to kill black people who clearly don’t deserve to die.  Enough is enough, and it has been enough for a long time.

    It has me questioning watching the NBA.  When I watch it, I help the ratings which helps the team owners who have political power purely from a monetary perspective. Team owners have political pull just by the sheer amount of money they have to influence elections and government officials through lobbying.


    Be The Change You Want to See in the World 150 150 admin

    Be The Change You Want to See in the World

    The title of this blog is a quote by Mahatma Gandhi.

    I’ve heard and seen this quote before, but I’ve never written down the changes I want to see in the world.  For every change in the world, it’s a pointer to my own character changes.

    Changes I want to see in the world:

    • I want to see people be freer.  According to The Guardian, 1 in every 200 people was a slave (that article was written in February 2019).   WTF?  Come on!
    • I also want to see people accept more of the freedoms they have already.
    • I want to see different infrastructures and cities built up instead of jumping on the ones that are already thriving.  Let’s build up more spaces so we have more options on where to live.
    • I want to see people who aren’t expressing themselves express themselves more uniquely.  This means creating and delivering your work.
    • I want to see the world being more congruent in their character publicly and privately.   Be who you are in private in public…along the lines of Keep the Same Energy.
    • I want to see the world eating healthier.
    • I want to see people aligning decisions of money and financial abundance with oneness.
    • I want to see people have more forgiveness for themselves and others.
    • I want more people focused on personal growth.
      • I want a world more really to try new things, take on new experiments, and make more mistakes (easier when you live in a more forgiving world)
    • I want to see the world value oneness more.
    • I want the world to raise awareness of their habits.  The small things they do over and over that add up over time.
    • I want to see more intelligent and transparent leadership.  I live in Texas so…there’s been such a lack of leadership and consistent terrible decisions at both the state and federal level.

    I look at this list, and I look at pointers to my own character and where I need to grow.  Right now I’d say expression and making expression a habit is where I wanted to do the most work this year – (hence the work on this site!).  I also want to do more work building up other infrastructures.

    There’s a lot of work to do, and I take full responsibility for making the necessary changes in my character to get it done.

    Make it Social 150 150 admin

    Make it Social

    There was a time when I used to do most things alone.  I didn’t feel lonely, or a loner or any other negative label people associate with doing things alone.  It was just normal to me.  This was until I met someone who was the opposite.  He hated doing anything alone, and he needed someone around and would go so far as to beg people to do activities with him.  Somehow, it didn’t come from a needy place either.

    This was so strange to me, but it made a permanent imprint on me.  I took on some of those habits and still keep em in the back pocket.  They’re so useful on the social side.  He made me feel included, and from then on I thought…”hey, if this is making me feel included, I’m sure other people would like to feel this way too”.

    If you’re a person who spends a lot of time alone, consider stretching yourself and inviting other people to do activities with you that you’d normally do alone.  You’ll get that yes and you’ll also get objections if you do this enough.  Then you go through objection handling (in sales this means having a solid answer to resolve the objection).  Then viola!  You are doing an activity that was meant to be solo with another person or other people!

    Gratitude is Badass 150 150 admin

    Gratitude is Badass

    Here’s another concept you wouldn’t think to put under the badass category…but isn’t it badass to appreciate what you have now?

    Or have we been conditioned to always look for what’s shiny and new.  When we get it, the 🙂 wears off and we’re chasing another high.  Why?

    Appreciate what you have now.  Take care of what you have now and watch it grow.  Keep that same energy.  That’s how you’ll create a badass life.  Other people, other resources will be drawn to that energy.   People will see you care for the people in your social circle and want to be a part of it.

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