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The Role of Feedback 150 150 admin

The Role of Feedback

When you’re doing creative projects, it’s important to get feedback along the way.  Feedback helps you change course if necessary.  It helps you align your creative projects with what people want.  It shows you ways you can improve.  It gives you ideas.  It can give you inspiration.  Constructive feedback helps everyone.

Constructive feedback fosters alignment between what people engaged with your creative work want and what you can provide which then allows things to flow.  It’s hard to get into a flow in isolation.

My first blog, Yougotdunkedon.com, was mentioned on ESPN’s First Take, ESPN Radio, and in Sports Illustrated Magazine here.  It’s an archive of people getting dunked on.   In the early days it was pretty much lost in the vast ocean of sports blogs.  It was a ghost town, but the feedback is what kept me going.  I was an active member on one forum, and I’d put the link in my signature and every now and then someone would send me messages saying “nice blog!” or “cool site” or “this is sick!” (meaning they liked it).  I also got feedback that people wanted the blogs arranged by the person who got dunked on as well as the person who did the dunking.  I didn’t know how to implement it back then, but I probably could and would now.

With that blog, once I started putting more efforts into marketing and reaching out to people to exchange links, it started to rank super high in the search engines (#2 for the word “dunked” behind Wikipedia).  Then I started getting a different type of feedback.  People started linking to my site…a lot.  That feedback meant a lot to me.  These were people who knew nothing about me, but that thought the content was valuable enough to share with other people.  I’d see links everywhere, to the point where it pretty much was normal.

One of the biggest eye-openers was when I built an email list for another project.  The feedback there was great!  I built the email list up to 3700 people, and I would just email them asking them what they wanted to see and some ideas.  They were lots of written responses all anonymous and pretty in depth.  I sent out a vote and lots of people voted.  It made things so much easier.  I had more direction and I didn’t feel like I was creating in a vacuum.  I didn’t feel like what I was creating would fall flat because they told me what they wanted.

People will tell you what they want – just ask.  Or look at what they’re buying already.  That’s a clear indicator of what they want.  You can even look at reviews on what people are buying and see the objections people have.  If you see a common objection that you can address – bam there you go.

There are times where people don’t know what they want.  If you can give people something they don’t even know they want but that would be awesome for them?  omg you’ve hit gold.  To me, this was the iPhone when it came out.  It wasn’t like anything else before it.

There is feedback everywhere.  You just have to look for it.

If you want more feedback give it.  It’s been said that you get what you give.  Give lots of feedback to other people’s creative projects and you’ll find that energy returns back to you.

Social Rules Still Apply During Social Distancing 150 150 admin

Social Rules Still Apply During Social Distancing

With social distancing, there will likely be more people connecting online than ever.  Social rules still apply.

Giving value to online conversations and valuing yourself still applies.

Looking to give vs get and seeking to understand vs trying to be understood still applies.

Starting up conversations and platforms for conversations to happen still applies.

Making the extra effort to connect with people still applies.

Being able to tell what conversations and communication needs and being able to provide that need will still hold weight.

Keeping the same energy online as you would offline still applies.

Finding the right people to connect with still applies.  To be honest, it was easier for me to find communities that had presence online that met offline anyway.

Your character will show no matter what, and you’ll still be able to use social skills.  I think it’s insightful to me to know that people who have a strong enough presence online can go from city to city across the world and still people know of them offline.

Take this time to make your voice heard and presence felt online.

What Do You Think About This? 150 150 admin

What Do You Think About This?

This post is about ways people of authority can turn your volume down growing up as a kid.

If there are too many forces that turned the volume down on your voice, it can lead you to believe your thoughts and feelings aren’t important.  Maybe it’s an older sibling that abused you.  Or a parent that repeatedly told you to shut up.  Or getting bullied or excessively teased.  If this has happened to you, know that I, Broderick Durisseau, am sorry this was done to you, and I think you and your voice are important.

At one point, I felt my voice wasn’t important.  Nobody cared.  I moved in with a friend and he became someone I looked up to.  While I was living with him, he kept asking me “what do you think about this?”  and “what do you think about that?”.  It was weird because up until that point, I felt my opinion didn’t matter.  Nobody was asking me what I thought about anything.  But I came around to the fact that my opinion was valued by him, and started becoming valued by his social circle.  I then found many other people who valued my opinion.  The solution was connecting with the right people.  People more aligned with my own values.  Turns out, we shared the value of intelligence.  We both had a low tolerance for dumb, circular, pointless conversations that led nowhere or didn’t progress at all.  I’m glad to have met him, and he really changed the trajectory of my life.

Make an effort to look for those like-minded people.  People who are in greater alignment with your values.  And if you’re feeling like you’re not being heard, play with the belief that someone needs to hear your unique voice.  Someone needs to hear a message that only you were meant to give.  Play with the belief that you and your opinion matter.  People really want to know what you think, they just may not be the people in your immediate orbit or family or current social circle.  Strive for greater alignment in the people you interact with from day to day.

When you find those right people, they will do the opposite of turning your volume down.  They will encourage you to turn the volume of your character up and express the deepest, most unique parts of you.  It helps you, it helps them, and ultimately helps us all.

 

The Way Of Men Book Review 150 150 admin

The Way Of Men Book Review

I liked this book.  It would go under blunt and direct books, and I’m sure there would be some controversy over it.

I thought the 4 Tactical Virtues of Strength, Courage, Mastery, Honor was insightful, and it was hard to argue against them.  I respect the fact the emphasizes the difference between being a good man and being good at being a man.

I think the best part about this book is he emphasizes the fact that we live in a society dominated by pleasure.  It’s too plentiful and while that’s good, it’s also has the potential to make men weaker.  Too much of anything isn’t good. Too much comfort and pleasure and it leads to men being soft.  The book was a wakeup call to stay strong.

If You’re Man, Stop Doing Easy Shit 150 150 admin

If You’re Man, Stop Doing Easy Shit

I stumbled on this video today by Elliot Hulse, and it really spoke to me, and by spoke to me I mean it’s some shit I needed to hear NOW. Some of my best times are where I had to face the fire…my greatest fears and out came such beauty. Beauty I’ll never forget and that I’m proud of today. I took on this daily blogging challenge because I wanted more edge, more challenge, and I want to invite a lot more now.

Suffering, pain, sacrifice, failure all help to grow stronger, and Elliot Hulse is all about becoming the strongest versions of ourselves.

Using Death to Help You Prioritize 150 150 admin

Using Death to Help You Prioritize

When I went to a workshop CLW (conscious life workshop), we did an exercise there where we imagined we were on our death beds.  The leader then asked us if there’s anything we would regret and to write it down.

I remember going to that workshop with the intent to learn more about passive income and making a living doing heart-centered work, but when I did that exercise another goal bubbled up to the surface.  A regret I had would have been to have died and never solved my weight issue.  I had been fat for most of my life, and tried different diets, but never really threw the kitchen sink at the problem, and never tried to solve it socially.

I thought it was funny how that exercise brought up the real priority for me at the time.  I soon after joined a group who dealt with food addiction.

I know the thought can be unpleasant, but imagine you’re on your death bed.  Is there anything that you would regret?  Is there any problem or struggle that leaves a sour taste in your mouth from the thought that you didn’t get around to it?  This is one tool…an exercise that could help you find your real priorities.

Quarterly Planning 150 150 admin

Quarterly Planning

This concept was introduced to me in 2019 as a part of being a member of the coaching program CGC.

I don’t think I would have ever done this without this coaching program because I wouldn’t have thought I needed to.  I always thought this was reserved for businesses, but it has worked great personally.  We’re doing wholistic planning…basically taking into account all areas of our lives.

Benefits?

  • I get to review progress (or lack thereof) from last quarter and see if there’s any improvements that can be made,
  • Make decisions what I want to happen this quarter.
  • Over time I can see where there are sticking points and drags (areas that are bringing the other areas down).
  • It brings structure to the year.
  • It lets you look at what you did accomplish and what you didn’t
  • You can adjust during the year instead of having the year go on autopilot

I’d highly recommend doing any type of quarterly planning.  I can’t see you regretting this.

Voice: 5 Ways People Can Turn Your Volume Down Growing Up 150 150 admin

Voice: 5 Ways People Can Turn Your Volume Down Growing Up

Do you have a weak voice or a strong voice?  Is your voice loud or soft?  Do the people around you encourage your voice or discourage it?  Are you able to recognize when someone tries to turn the volume of your voice down?

Expression is a key component in being human, and in humans voice is a key medium through which expression can occur.  It benefits us to exercise our own voice in a way that aligns with the highest good of all.  It’s also beneficial to encourage others to exercise their voice when it is in alignment with the highest good of all, and to discourage their voice when it’s out of alignment.

Think about how you grew up.  Did the authority figures in your life encourage you to exercise your voice?  Did they create a safe space for you to do so?  If you’re not sure, here’s some ways they might have turned the volume of your voice down.

  1.  Blatantly telling you to “shut up” too many times
    • “hush”, “be quiet”, “shhhh” are forms of this.   There are times where kids don’t need to be talking, but it shouldn’t be all the time.  There can be too much “shut up” by the authorities in your life growing up.
  2. Drowning You Out
    • Too much music being played too often?  The TV being on 24/7?   Maybe it’s even a person who talks non-stop and does very little listening.
  3. Deterioration of conversations
    • If there’s a conversation going along that could actually progress somewhere, there can be a person or people who purposely or inadvertently deteriorate the conversation by spewing nonsense / lies / bullshit.  Instead of actually putting in the effort to seek to understand what’s going on in the conversation and attempting to add value or asking to learn more, or finding another conversation more their speed and style to participate in, they take the easy, lazy and destructive way and come in like a bomb and blow the conversation up and diminish whatever you’re talking about with their bullshit.
  4. Endless arguing and debating
    • Maybe there’s a person in authority who likes to argue for no reason.  They see everything you say as an opportunity to spark up a debate.  After a while, it can become exhausting expressing yourself to this person, especially if you see these debates as pointless and circular.  Nobody changes their behavior or reaches a higher level or awareness or learns anything.  It’s almost as if it’s just wasted time.
  5. Creating or allowing harsh consequences for turning your volume up
    • doing things to oppose #1-4 could result in consequences that you might not want to deal with if you .  Speaking anyway after being told a version of shut up could have consequences.  Trying to talk over the things drowning you out could have consequences.  Creating a boundary between the person who blows up conversations with bullshit could have consequences.  Standing on what you know is right with the debater?  consequences.

I’ve been through all of these growing up.  If I asked why they did these things, they’d probably feel attacked and ultimately respond with some version of “you got off light, you should have been around when we were growing up” – and if they were to say that I’d believe them.  Everyone is doing the best they can at their level of awareness, and I believe the volume of their voices was turned down even more than mine was.  This leads me to ask how far does this go back with my family?  When I traced it back, it felt like I got hit with a ton of bricks when I landed at slavery.  When slaves were brought to America, their whole beings were muted and there were some of the severest consequences for turning the volume of their voice up.

As an adult I can establish much firmer boundaries with people who exhibit these behaviors, but it still makes me think about the kid growing up dealing with this.  I think about those kids who are keeping their volume low right now and how their volume will remain low right into adulthood.  I think about the adults now who grew up having to keep the volume of their voice low, and the consequences of that and how much we’re missing out on their expression.

If someone turned down the volume of your voice as a child, you could easily find your self in a job that reinforces that dynamic when you grow older.  You’ll naturally attract a job that puts you in that same position because it’s comfortable for you.  It feels more natural to you because it’s been repeated over and over.   You might also find yourself in relationships with people who do the 5 things mentioned above.

Of course, you’re free to change this.  You do not have to accept your volume being low and you can connect with people who actively bring out your voice and encourage you to express your authentic self fully.  That’s what the world needs more of.

How can you make your voice stronger?  Where do you feel you should amplify your voice?