social

Investments in People 150 150 admin

Investments in People

It’s such a counterintuitive lesson, but the more you focus on others, the easier your needs and desires get met.

It’s counterintuitive because, if you were like me for a long time, it’s the last thing you might think to do while you’re in scarcity. When resources like money or food are scarce, a natural reaction is to hoard and contract and try to keep as much of the resources as you can. It really takes trust to be able to let go of the attachment to your stuff and be able to share and invest in others. It takes trust to expand when everything in you is telling you to contract.

A common trait I see with people with great social circles is they invest in people. People might be their highest investment. It might be listening to them. Spending time with them. Visiting them. Calling them up to see how things are going out of the blue. Sending them a message on social media. They respond when people have taken the time to engage with something they create. If they create a Youtube video, they’re in the comments acknowledging people. If someone in their offline social circle needs a ride they’re there. They might be volunteer. Whatever it may be, they take an investment in people. Though this investment in people, they build up social credit. If they ever fall on hard times, they have a great social circle to pick them up in places they need it.

Also, understand that there are some who aren’t a right fit for your investment. If you invest in people enough, you will gain a greater sense for neediness. For these people, whatever you do will never be enough, and you might find them draining. Let them go with love. It might take that for them to realize they have a lot more help than you.

There will be some who just don’t want your investment and/or don’t appreciate it. That’s ok too. Wear the world like a loose garment.

Get into the habit of making wise investments – not only with money but with your imagination, your creativity, your presence, your experience, your wisdom – you.

Deeper Connections 150 150 admin

Deeper Connections

I’ve been seeing people say that they want deeper connections. They say their connections are shallow and/or would like to have friends that they can talk about deeper things with.

If you want deeper connections, dive deep into an area that has lots of meaning for you. What do you care about?  What breaks your heart? What have you struggled with for a long time?  What do you see other people struggling with that you’ve overcome…where you feel you could help them get to the next step?  What is a shame you’ve had? What makes you cry?  Emphasis on the YOU.

I actually wasn’t looking for deeper connections, but I found people that I deeply connect with. And it happened like an avalanche. It happened when I dived deeper into the things that meant a lot to me. That’s where I found the depth and the deeper connections. I connected with people who shared a similar depth of meaning in certain areas. What means a lot to you?

The first time I felt I made some deep connections was at CLW. I met many who were into alternative means of income (besides a boring job), heart-centered work and creating a lifestyle that aligned with what they wanted because that’s what the workshop was centered around.  Everyone spent at least $500 to attend and most traveled their from other states or other countries! It was amazing to spend three days with people so committed to this vision. Heart-centered work and making it sustainable meant a lot to us.  It still makes me smile when I think about how we connected.

After that workshop was done, I felt having a healthier relationship with food meant a lot to me, so I jumped in a 12-step program for food addiction and got help there. I met people who were farther along in the journey and did such an amazing job in supporting me through my journey. As I learned more and more I was able to help others…like people had helped me.

Deeper connections mean that you connect with depth.  Where is there depth in your life?  There’s a good chance that what you really care about has depth.  Connect with people based on things you care about…your values…and you will find your deeper connections.

Maybe You Don’t Need Anymore Information 150 150 admin

Maybe You Don’t Need Anymore Information

Here is the exact sentence that urged me to sign up for CLW. This workshop changed me! Up until then I had never spent that much money on an event or traveled to Vegas or anywhere west of Texas.

I want to invite you into an immersive environment where you can experience the necessary shifts for yourself. If reading about it was enough, then you’d already have done it.

As soon as I read that something in me knew that was an answer I needed. I wanted to make passive income, and I had read all the books and blogs and listened to the audio books and podcasts and watched the Youtube Videos. They’d make me feel good and inspired, but then I’d look at my life and feel deflated and in the back of my mind the thought that swirled around was “Ok…that’s great for you, but what about me”.

What I did need was some social interaction with people who were way ahead of me.

What this social interaction did was make things more grounded and real. I met some people who were making a full time living creating and selling online. We spent three days together and it made it much more real for me and made me feel that it was possible for me. And I’ve made passive income every month ever since that event three years ago. Now it’s not much, but I have no doubts that it’s possible. It’s not a lofty vision or a daydream anymore. Money actually gets deposited into my account because they made it real and also filled in a lot of gaps for me.

I was making passive income soon after that event, and it worked so well I thought…Hmmmm maybe I can solve other problems socially. I was fat so maybe that problem can be solved in a social way?

That worked too!

Eventually it led me to create Solving Problems Socially.

The work for me now is being able to contain all this aligned beauty.

Have you been listening to lots of audiobooks or programs or podcasts? Have you been reading lots of blog articles and books? These can help, but you ultimately have to ground the ideas present in them by your own experience or being around someone who is further down the path of wherever you want to go so success and progress can feel real to you. You can do that socially!

Giving Without Expecting Anything Back Is Badass 150 150 admin

Giving Without Expecting Anything Back Is Badass

Whenever I think of creating something badass, I always think two things – how can I get other people involved and what can I give first. I don’t focus on money at all, and it always shows up. Pat Flynn actually inspired me to turn this up a notch – To really focus on giving something high value away free and don’t be attached to outcomes. Turns out there is a damn law about this – The law of detachment!

YouGotDunkedOn.com

I first experimented with this new way of thinking with my first blog yougotdunkedon.com

It was just a challenge to myself to see how I would do building a blog. I used this article to start, but I had no idea of what to blog about. Around that time I was browsing through different people’s Photobucket accounts and I saw one full of people getting dunked on, and I thought it was awesome – and it became a blog idea. I found out where the photos came from and realized they posted photos of NBA games every day, so there’d always be a stream of content.

So I would post those photos on my blog and go to Youtube to try to find a video that matched it. I did this for a while and nothing happened. I was on a forum and I would have my blog linked when I posted on a forum and occasionally I would get messages like “this site is great!”. Those kept me going when I felt nothing was really happening and barely anyone was visiting.

Then I started reaching out to other sports blogs that actually had activity – comments / traffic / high page ranks. I explained my situation to them and asked how they got their websites off the ground. It didn’t take long before someone responded. His advice to me was to email other sports bloggers to build relationships and see if they wanted to exchange links, so I did. I emailed 80 others sports blogs and about 20 linked back – including Yahoo’s basketball blog Ball Don’t Lie.

Well…that made it rank high in the search engines. Traffic went up and eventually an advertiser offered me a deal to have his website banner on YouGotDunkedOn.com in exchange for some money. This blew my mind. I had actually made money like this? It made some appearances on TV which also blew my mind (traffic spiked way up those days).

Apartments

This was a time stuck in my memory where I saw giving really work wonders.

Me and 3 other friends who were roommates decided to go out to the apartment’s pool. We had just moved in, and one of my friends had an idea to just go out to the pool with a big cooler full of cold beer. When we did this we met so many people in those apartments. That was a wild night, but a great memory. Then we exchanged numbers and partied together later again with lots of those residents and went over each others houses and had many more great experiences after that. All because we put ourselves out there at the pool and also gave out those beers without expecting anything back.

Amazon Self Publishing

When I wanted to start my self publishing business, one strategy was to give away a free book in exchange for readers signing up on my email list. This worked really well. I’ve given away the same freebie book for years and continue to give my books away for free. I’ve given them all away for free at some point, and they all bring in a little money every month still. I’ve actually consciously put this on pause, but if I wanted it to continue to grow, my first step would be to give away more for free ironically.

Addiction and Recovery

Stepping in a 12-step program for food addiction was one of the best things I’ve ever done and I’ve learned lessons that I’ll always use. One is prioritizing service. I would (and still do) talk to a sponsor every morning. Sometimes I would tell him/her I was feeling pretty down or sad or angry. They would usually tell me to think about what I had to be grateful for…get out of “poor me” thinking and find a way to serve so that I can get out of my own head, put things in perspective and help someone else. I find the more I give in these rooms of recovery, the more I get back – but I don’t concern myself with getting back! I try to just prioritize giving the gift that was graciously given to me.

Giving without being attached to outcomes

It’s taken me a while to learn, and it’s so counterintuitive when you’re feeling scarce and not getting your needs met, but the more I explore just giving without expecting anything, the more things just work!

Giving works great in social situations. Giving works great in business and finances. It works great in intimate relationships.

Have you been having “poor me” thinking? Feeling sorry for yourself? Serve – It might feel very weird….there might be hella resistance to doing it…Ya might just not want to do it…but another thing my sponsor used to tell me is “sometimes the thing we don’t want to do is the thing we need to do the most”. I’ll leave ya with that.

 

Real Conversations Are Badass 150 150 admin

Real Conversations Are Badass

I’ve had enough small talk to last a lifetime. If your life is full of small talk – or just conversations that leave you rolling your eyes – I feel for you! It really makes me appreciate the depth, openness and authenticity present today.

It wasn’t always like this. I used to work pretty boring, repetitive jobs that were full of pointless conversations. Here’s a sample conversation we’d have:

Random stranger to me: Hello, how are you?

Me: Pretty good, how are you doing!?

Random stranger: Doing good today, weathers nice out! Traffic is crazy as usual.

What a perfect setup for a conversation that will go nowhere!

In my head I’d be thinkin…Mufucka – who gives a damn about the weather? Traffic wtf? WE COULD DIE TOMORROW AND HERE YOU ARE..YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT SOME COT DAMN TRAFFIC?!!

Back then, I was pretty fake too. You see in the conversation above, I asked how this stranger was doing, but I didn’t genuinely care. It was just another an automatic response in a sea of automatic responses we called a job.

Saying the things I was really thinking would have probably cost me the job. Looking back, I guess I didn’t see all the other options I had. I wouldn’t have ever worked in a place that required me to sacrifice that much of myself.

Truth is, that we didn’t have time for much depth. This might be an elevator conversation, and we’ve both got to get to work in different departments, so the situation would often dictate the depth.

How to Have Real Conversations

I went to Conscious Life Workshop held by Steve Pavlina in October 2016 and this is where I first got a glimpse into real conversations. It was where I really saw the problem with my conversations before. The problem necessarily wasn’t with my conversations – it was with the people I was having real conversations with.

If you aren’t have as many real conversations as you’d like, how would people respond to you being more real? Would they be shocked? Would they be indifferent? Would they look at you like you’re crazy? Would they judge you? Do you have an idea of how they would react? Even if they’re family and friends, there is a real possibility they might not be the best fit for ya. What if you actually sought out people that were more aligned with the real you?

I’ve accepted some people just aren’t aligned with me being the real me. Do they like spanking? Are they into personal development? Are they into passive income? Are the into aligning with a path with heart? Do they sense that boring jobs aren’t the best way for them to generate income? Do they experiment? Do they spend a lot of time around tech? Have they had an addiction? Have they sought recovery for this addiction? Do they prioritize doing badass shit? Do they exercise their creativity? Do they still prioritize learning? Do they listen to audiobooks? Do they like playing an instrument? Do they like singing? If not – they probably aren’t aligned with my real conversations, so it’s in my best interest to find people that are into those things. The more the better! That way I can have genuine conversations. I can let my guard down. I can be vulnerable and share my shames, weird quirks and vulnerability and feel like it’s a safe place with others who are doing the same. I can be myself and things just flow. The more you express the real you, the more those people will find you! Imagine having lots of real conversations with lots of real people! Like attracts like!

I’ve tried to have real conversations with the people that didn’t align with me – for a long time. Family, friends, coworkers you name it. This is why it was such a contrast when I found way more aligned people for me. I’ve also learned to not be attached to how the real conversations show up. They might be with someone from another part of the world!

When I express my own vulnerabilities, strengths, weaknesses, talents, weird quirks, dark sides…when I express more of me it seems to give others permission to share more of themselves with me.

Is there an area of your life where you’d like to have more real conversations? Demand more authenticity in your life while expressing your own. Explore your own interests and curiosities socially, so you’ll get to talk to like-minded people. I think you’ll like what reality brings you!