Starting Conversations for Introverts

So, when I (an introvert) was rooming with my friend (an extrovert), I was able to see things he did that I didn’t do. I had the luxury of learning a lot just by sitting back and watching what he would say and how he would say it and how others would respond.

One huge thing I noticed was he always made the first move in everything…like he was thinking one step ahead all the time.  I, at the time, was always reactive.

With people, this meant he would call past friends out of the blue to reconnect (He called me which is how we reconnected).  He would be the first to suggest something for the group to do.  He would initiate conversations with strangers.  When people can sense that you’re coming from a genuine place, they’re more apt to let their guard down.  And since most of his approaches were genuine, I saw the majority of these conversations flow smoothly.

You can look at this from a “technique” point of view.  If you search you’ll probably find good “openers” or some introductory phrases to use.  What this will do is send you right back to your head when you’re actually starting conversations with people.  That’s the last place you want to come from.

Remember I said I had the luxury of watching my friend do all these approaches?  From the outside looking in, it was like watching someone create their own world.  I started to realize it’s a creative thing.  You get to decide how you want to approach people.  There is no right or wrong way – just approach and be genuine.  More important than what you say is the energy behind it.  Also, more important than what you say, is the fact that you have the courage to say something at all.  To get better at starting conversations, start more conversations and be willing to fail.

You can take this simple skill as far as you want to go.  Trust and believe it can take you far.  What if you learned different languages?  How many more conversations could you start?  How many more options do you have in a world of over 7 billion people if you get good at starting conversations?

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