Within recurring social situations, there’s something that brings everyone together. I think of this as a social connector. If that social connector isn’t there, people in the group might not relate to each other the same. This could be a job, a membership group, a club, a living situation, etc.
I remember a good friend told me back in my brief drinking days…”ya know…if you didn’t drink, we probably wouldn’t hang out because we don’t have that much in common outside of it”. I had to sit back and realize that he was right. Without drinking, at the time, we didn’t have all the much in common. Drinking was our social connector.
There would be lots of jobs I had, where I would make friends with coworkers. BUT…if one of us got fired, or our contract ended or someone quit or we got other opportunities that we wanted to take advantage of, then things changed between us. We drifted apart. As much as we attempted to keep in touch, it was never the same. Spending 40 hours a week together + time after work is different than just spending 2-4 hours a week with someone or a group. The job was a social connector, and if that didn’t connect everyone in the group, then the relationship would change.
I saw this with eating too. When I decided not to eat sugar and flour, eventually many things became very clear to me. The first thing I remember realizing was that I actually had eating buddies. We would go out for the main purpose of eating junk food – as much as we could. When I decided to give up sugar and flour, those relationships changed a lot. We drifted apart. Different restaurants and the willingness to meet at those restaurants were our social connectors.
I made very good friends in that group that helped me abstain from sugar and flour, and when I decided to leave those relationships changed. We drifted apart. It just happened. We had meetings and our willingness to meet and find venues to meet in were like the glue that kept everything together.
In that food group, we were told many times to “wear the world like a loose garment”.
Don’t be attached to that connector and be open to letting it fall away or stay depending on what you want or need. There are so many different social connectors and opportunities to connect now that we live in a more connected world.